„There is no shame in falling down. True shame is to not stand up again“.
Petr wrote this French saying on a small portrait photo and gave it to me once I was 16. Actually, I have it in my wallet until today. Old-fashion style when boy and girl exchanged portrait pictures. This is how we did during our student ages. The boy gave a passport size picture to a girl and conversely. Yet he was trampling my shoes during the dancing lessons I knew that this is the man I want to live with. It was a feeling and it was correct. Just an intuition. The same intuition led me for all the years when we found our first lodging, through the change of political regime and once with Petr we held our first daughter Anička. Next to me was a man who knows what he wants and goes for it. In fact, I was lucky to be there and to make this happen. For him, for us. During the marriage vows, we promise „to hold and to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health“. I did and stood by Petr. Within all his decisions, even the one to go abroad for work. I am not an adventurer nor traveller. It was very hard for me. To adapt to new countries, languages and culture. Nevertheless, I learned the art of self-reflection, tolerance and certitude that Petr knows what he is doing and why.
And maybe another moto which fits Peter is: „KEEP GOING“.
This is what we do now. Petr is not here. He passed out during the mountaineering accident. Only a couple of months after his 50th anniversary has fate played into his hands. His life burned out during his beloved activity. I still see him, wearing his North Face jacket we bought together during our ex-pat at Indianapolis. For me, he took the red and for himself the green one. The red one now wears our second daughter Klárka who was born at Indianapolis. It suits her a lot, watching her I still see in my memories all the years, and experiences having with Petr. Geneva replaced Indianapolis. Honestly, I am still looking for my place here, but Peter, he for sure had it. It was Switzerland where he got what he was looking for. Mountains, friends, excellent job. Petr found himself here and everything that he set his mind on work. And even if I was often joking that „Petr can handle everything“ or said to our third daughter: Terezko, ask father, he knows…“ it was true. The man, standing next to me, was reliable and was guiding us and others in the same way. He knew how to garden, love me, win marathon runs and ultra-marathons, climb the mountains and never lose a single minute of his life. It was a royal pain for us to look even for a loophole within his work schedule and all the hobbies. Maybe Petr had an intuition that he needs to manage all this in such a limited time he had. I regret, that there will not be more of these common moments and I have no idea how we can go through the upcoming years. But I surely know this. The boy I have met in my sixteens will be in front of me for the rest of my life. He became a bit older and when I looked into his eyes some time ago, I found some wrinkles around. However, I will as well see the boy in a red sport finisher t-shirt from a run he has completed. The t-shirt is going to have a number with the year 2019.
I love you and I will never stop.
Lea