I like liver, you like liver[1]

I do not like my liver now.

When it seems that everything gets better, there is always a bad news[2]. How much humbleness do I have to show to overcome this year, day, and week and fulfill all tasks until the time runs out?

Before we were left alone, I had to go to a hospital due to a minor incident, which happens to many people once in a while. The body concluded that I do not always treat it well. As mineral collectors put each new stone, they find, in a box, my gall bladder has also started a stone collection. I would not find out if the stones have not decided to set for a travel in my body. During the examination of this strange inconvenience, something odd was found on my liver.

I did not pay attention to it.

I was busy with the information about stones and following laparoscopic operation. Everything was planned when Peter will be back from travels. It did not happen. I postponed it. There were more important and sad things to be dealt with … a funeral, time afterwards, support to girls and on the top of it the stupid coronavirus, which messed up many things.

A few weeks ago, I made a decision to take care of my health again. I booked a surgery but it did not happen yet. I did not manage a biopsy, which I have to undertake due to a liver issue. The liver that should serve as irreplaceable organ in a body. The liver that added to its 1,3 kilos something, which has to be examined.

I was overwhelmed by fear despite the fact that I take usually such examinations rather easy.

Why not – I gave a birth to three children in three different countries with different health systems. However, now I was placed on a medical bed, under local anesthesia and was not able to cope with it. My hands shook, tears ran down, I thought about the man, who I do not have anymore. I thought that as of now I would be alone in such situations.

It was clear after a while that I am not a cooperating patient, emotionally unstable and I gave up the biopsy.

I was most grateful to be able to call my friend Anna who understood how hard it was. She did not laugh and did not downplay it. She took me home with an empathy, which she has plenty. I did not find the courage to try again. I am gathering my force.

It is sure that I will not manage things easily this year. Things that I would take rather easy under normal circumstances.

So today, on a bit serious note.

If you know someone who is recovering from a loss of a close person, even if he looks fine or better, it is not so.

Emotions can overwhelm anyone in any situation. It does not matter if it happens in a medical bed during a minor intervention or if a shaving brush that will not be needed anymore falls down in a bathroom.

I am upset with myself that I have to cope with it. At the same time, I am reconciled with the fact that these things will happen, even if it is hard.

I am sorry that my soul is in such a pain, unable to cope with certain things.

Now, a statement to my liver:

“Stop bothering me and heal by yourself.”

You are an irreplaceable organ, cumulating around 13% of blood and having around 500 functions, including:

• Fighting infections
• Processing food coming from intestines
• Detoxifying chemicals and other substances and producing a bile

I have considerable bile[3]. I have a right to have it. It too much for me. So, stop bothering me at least you, my liver, and help yourself.

I have no energy to watch my weight, do sport, live healthy or climb a mountain. I have only the energy to wake up every morning and make sure that things work. I have no energy to take care of every organ in my body. So, help me for heaven’s sake! You know what, I will ask a doctor to check you again, so we know what is going and will tackle it.

One more thing. When someone will be grubbing in my belly, examining a liver and checking my glad bladder, to which I will shortly say good-bye, I hope he will find solid stones. I like Moldavites. They remind me of the Southern Bohemia, where they are found and where we have our cottage. Beautiful, mysterious stones belonging to the group of tektite.

Our silent witnesses from the Universe.

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[1] A Czech tongue twister “ja rad jatra, ty rad jatra”

[2] “Jobovka” in the Czech version. Czechs use to refer to a bad news as “jobovka”, according to the Book of Job speaking about a suffering of an innocent.

[3] Czech people say “my bile is boiling” to express a strong anger.