I did not write you for a while but I have to do so now. First, there was our wedding anniversary …. It was hard since we did not celebrate it together. We have watched this celebration with girls on DVD. When girls saw that this day was still painful for me, they took my hands and gave me the force to get through it. They wished me a nice anniversary and Terezka gave me a bouquet of red roses when it seemed that there would be no flowers.
So I am back to writing, similarly that you used to write to us not to miss any news about us. You never talked much but letters were coming. Mostly from the business trips or even before when we were dating. I have plenty of those letters and take a good care of the boxes containing them. Now, I am writing since I do not know better news to share than this one:
“Dear Peter,
a young little lady came to see us and she will stay with us. Her name is Aeryn. She has little fingers, beautiful eyes and just a bit of hair instead of eyebrows. You also did not have much eyebrows. It is a bundle of happiness of 2,8 kg weight and 48 centimetres tall. I heard her over the phone babbling and asking for some goodies.
She took her time. Who would like to get out from a heated pool with amniotic fluid that her mum Anicka had in her belly, to a cold? It is a pouring rain for a week. She finally got out to see us. You see. She is here. You are a grandpa. I told you that we will let you know. At least in the letter since it is not possible otherwise.
I am sorry for today’s kids and adults who do not write letters, they do not know it and are writing only sms.
It is hard to find anything in a private correspondence in a computer later. What is written by hand or at least printed, remains. Otherwise we would not know what Goethe wrote to Ulrika and Kafka wrote to Jesenska.
Our children would not know what you have written to me before you passed away. I will come back to one of your letters and will write a bit of it. You wrote it on your way from India. You went there often and reflected upon our discussion in a previous day. I was doubting if I am giving enough to a family and you are satisfied. If you would not prefer someone else, better, more successful…If my care of you, our things in Czechia, family is meaningful. If I should not focus more on my carrier as it is fashionable these days. If I should not be more emancipated and so on.
So here is your text and I hope you do not mind that someone else would read it. Our letter was about children, family and if you are grateful for what I am doing. You dismissed my doubts with this beautiful letter.
It went like this:
“We have three healthy children. They carry bits of our personalities which we carry from our parents. They are becoming good people. I feel it. It is mainly your credit. You taught them to speak, walk, gave them love. They carry this, even if they are not able to show it (they are like me). One day they may say it to you and even if not they will carry it.”
“When I was 16, I desired a girlfriend but I did not know how to do it. I did not understand advice of my schoolmates to go to a party and have a sex with someone. I wanted something more. There were dancing course and I “worked on” one. Plans did not come true but I met you. I could not be luckier in my life.
You brought to my and the whole Mandik family a fresh air. I still look forward to seeing you. I cannot express it sometimes. Neither through words or actions. Looking at my sister, I believe it is genetic. Maybe genetic engineers will fix it one day. I am a solitaire who cannot be alone. I need a family, home and I do not know anyone who can give it to me as you do.
I demand a lot from myself and it is transferred to others. I am trying to understand others but it is hard. He who has not experienced difficulties does not believe the accounts of those who had them.
I do not think that a conception of a new life is a heroic act. Giving a birth is.
And upbringing? Everyone does his or her best. Your sister, you, me, my brother and sister. There are probably only few parents who would not like to give their best to their children. But what is the best? Private schools? A permanent program? I believe it less and less, and probably not at all. I think it is more important if you take a bus with Terka or have a lunch with Anicka.
What remain from us? What should remain? Maybe children and next generations that will remember. They will remember a mother, a grandmother and a great-grand-mother who gave its best to her children and family. It will be slowly forgotten by next generations, only children will remember it in the second part of their life.”
I would like to write. They remained from you three courageous, beautiful and kind girls. They have everything what we have put into them. Our Anicka is a mummy as of today. She was excellent in giving a birth. It is incredible how much time elapsed since she was a baby.
They look nice – Anicka and a little angel. I look forward to having little Aeryn at home to hug her. We cannot go to the hospital. There is this terrible monster called COVID-19. You did not experience it. Good for you. The world is different. Travelling that you loved so much is now frightening.
If you know something about it above, please fix it. It is crazy. There cannot be visits in the hospital. Fortunately, Vincek, the father of the little Aeryn, was there for the birth. This is the most important. They are mother and father now, and I am a grandmother. Would you believe it?
I will try to be the best grandmother in the world. I try to be good also for you, since you cannot be with us. We will manage. We are strong girls. We are Mandik, like you.
Cartigny, 6.10.2020