Indian’s diary

Once we accept what is happening, life hurts a bit less.

I do not know when it will come but I am trying. So today, Indian’s diary helped me to get closer to it. I am still sorting out things, tiding away – due to a renovation of the house or due to … you know what. It has nothing to do with Harry Potter when it was not allowed to speak about … you know whom. We are watching it with girls these days. It is obligatory education ordered by me. Fortunately, my friend Zuzka had all episodes in Czech and she borrowed them to me. Terezka missed Harry Potter and I decided to rectify it.

Back to Indians.

I was thinking many times about Peter’s perseverance, sense of honour, responsibility, diligence and all these things around – where are they coming from? Out of many things, which I am taking out of the bookcase, Indian’s diary fell on me. It was not for the first time. It has happend already once.

We were preparing for a flight to States for four months due to work. I believed naively it would be for four months. They have prolonged to long two years. Now, I consider two years as short as blowing to plume that will fly away without you knowing how. It is due to many years without clear direction ahead of me. I feel that these would be empty years. There were never such years before.

We were packing the stuff rather quickly. It was always so.

All decisions and events were fast. Moving, work, birth of our first daughter Anna, who decided that she wants to see us, parents, three weeks ahead of the term. Only our falling in love and dating took many years before we decided to marry. Everything else was in a racing speed. It was especially Peter. My calm force balanced everything.

One day we received a news that we will live in a foreign country and we were in a foreign country in 14 days – in Indianapolis. It was a shock. For everyone.

We had a very limited time for packing. We sorted out where to put all the important documents – purchase agreement of flat, originals of birth certificates and so on. We were thinking to be back in four months – but we did not want to leave these things in an empty flat. I went to a bank to rent a safe for four months to store important documents and auntie Hanka’s gold neckless with an angel. When I was about to bring them to the safe, I asked Peter if he has anything else to store.

He went to his study and brought Indian’s dairy.

It is not even a book. It is an old notebook, A4 format, to which a little boy, a head full of adventurous dreams started to write his diary. With newspaper clippings and drawings, he started to write his journey. Thanks to Vladimir Hulpach – the author of the newspaper articles and beautiful drawings of Zdenek Burian the little boy travelled to places where we ended up as family – to America. Everything that formed Peter started here and it influenced my girls and me too. Due to this notebook and this period, it is possible to recognize where the craving for adventure was born. I am not sure which magazine issued the articles. According to the graphic design and only few magazines available during that period, I guess it was “Mladý svět”[1].

I am reading this notebook and understand why I had to put it in the safe in the bank. It was more important for Peter than money, which we did not have anyway. We left in the year 2000. It was 4 July – the Independence Day. We have seen fireworks after landing in Indianapolis, as if they paid tribute to us for setting on the way.

It was dream that came true for Peter. Such opportunity to travel abroad for a work was a big joy.

I did not feel the same way. Maybe since it was a different start for me. We were flying as a family, with four-year old Anicka, I did not know the language.

Now, while I am reading Indian’s diary, I understand that he wanted to be like this and it came true. I am very happy for this. I will take care of Indian’s diary. As a memory.

However, since things have to be passed sometimes to make someone happy, I have photocopied the notebook. I have three girls and Indians are not fashionable anymore, but who knows? I have a candidate to whom I would like to give the notebook. His mother and father do not know it but I know exactly who will receive a copy of the diary. Maybe the little boy’s eyes will shine and he would like to have a bit of Indian’s character – honour, perseverance, force and respect for nature.

I am also on this track – but you know me – I do it my way. We have an Indian tee-pee, which I bought two years ago. I feel very well inside. I am meditating there and I would like to give an opportunity to do it to someone else too. I love fire and if I can walk on a cinder, I am in a state of a pure mind. It is a beautiful feeling and I wish it to everyone, whether due to a cinder or a different way. Pure mind is a state that I am missing now. I would like to have it back.

I am trying hard – believe me. I am putting Indian’s diary on a shelf. I am binding strings around the notebook. I am keeping other notebooks, such as the one called “Cadet” in reserve. I am caressing another one in a rabbit skin.

Look at this note … I spent 12 anniversary in expedition. We walked along the river Stradov. We played a game. I understand the game and won”… of course. These were different years.

I will go back to the beginning of this writing to end with the same sentence:

Once we accept what is happening, life hurts a bit less. Sometimes it is possible during meditation. At least for a while.

Cartigny, 22.6.2020

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[1] “Young world” in English, name of the magazine for young people.