I was preparing a birthday party to celebrate the fiftieth birthday a year ago. I was planning it for two months. Fifty – an age worth of celebration – even if Peter was not a party man. Albeit we went for a birthday party from time to time. These were usually barbecue organized by friends. We did not do it this way. We had barbecue all the time, without birthdays.
When I asked Peter if he would like to have a birthday party, he agreed for the first time. “I would like it but a normal barbecue, no pathetic celebrations.”
“You can count on it, my dear. Pathetic celebrations…I do not know how to do them.”
I started thinking about it. It began with a flyer. “I am running for my fifty.”
There were fine reactions afterwards. Since everyone knew Peter as a runner, people were afraid they would have to run. I calmed them down that it would not be the case. In order to make it not so easy I have written tasks. How? …in Morse alphabet. Each friend received one letter from Morse alphabet in case my husband would have forgotten. So he can verify it. Of course, he forgot some of it. It was also necessary to hide presents. Holes were dug in the garden. Our cedar was climbed to install a basket full of wine bottles there. And so on. There were many candles, beer, wine. A delicious pig was grilled by our friend Jarousek. I had to excuse myself from the final day of my winery course since this international meeting of friends, family and everyone who promised to come was more important.
An organizer could not be absent. People were coming a few days before a party and leaving a few days after it.
To organize such a party is an enormous task. I had a plan A to stay in the garden and plan B to be at home. I cooked, cleaned, greeted guests. Everyone was helping – in the garden, with preparations, so that it would be nice.
There were 25 guests sleeping and other 25 coming and leaving…who were celebrating with us.
Peter was very happy. I was happy that everything went well. That family and friends came from Luxembourg, London, Czechia and France and other places. There was music, songs, food and drinks.
I saw my husband touched. He did not show much emotions normally. There were thanks that I organized it nicely. That he was very pleased with all presents from girls.
I never thought that when it is written “life starts after fifty” it may not be true.
That life after fifty may be blown up by the wind as quickly as sand on a seashore.
I am so happy for this celebration.
That we had everyone here. That Peter had everyone here.
When I saw some of those who were participating in the celebration a few months later, in black clothes, sad, in tears, everything was different. It was hard not to collapse and manage everything.
It was hard not to collapse when I was reading a farewell speech.
If it was not for Ludek who I asked to stay nearby, it might have happened. It was hard to organize shortly after the birthday celebration obsequies.
The burden to organize funeral instead of a party in such a short time is enormous. Now, when the date of the first Peter’s birthday, since he is not with us, is approaching, I have tears in my eyes.
We will light up a candle, prepare a chocolate fondue or something else what would Peter like. We will take photos and remember. And I would like to tell you, in case you are watching.
“Peter, I am trying to manage as the last year. There are successes and failures. Something goes well and something is harder. Sometimes I am exhausted. As during the birthday party celebration, where I did not manage to change my t-shirt when we were congratulating you and was somehow unsolemn.
I am sorry for that.
I should be prettier in the photos we were taking. Should I know in advance what is going to happen, I would be like from a magazine. But you did not care about these things. You said that you like me the most without a t-shirt. I hope so. When we meet again, I will throw it into bushes as quickly as possible. I will wait a bit before I meet you again.
Anicka was here yesterday. We were taking pictures. Girls were like paparazzi. She wanted snapshot while she has a baby in her belly. It will not fit into this belly much longer and would like to see us all. From mother who carries her baby below her heart will be a mother who carries her baby in her arms. I thought about it and run to change into something prettier. So that our oldest daughter has a nice souvenir.
We think about you all the time. You are with us and it will remain so. You will be a grandpa in a few days, so you know. I will be a grandma. I do not feel like a grandma but I look forward to hugging our first granddaughter and our daughter too.
We will let you know. Do not worry.”
Cartigny, 19.9.2020