„What smells so badly here? “says one.
„This is frantisek “, I reply.
„When he came? “says the other. I see that I have to explain traditions so they would understand that Frantisek is not a neighbour but frankincense that censes the house.
I have decorated the house a while ago. I needed lights and Christmas decorations as soon as possible this year. I did not mind that they were not available in shops. I am buying gifts much sooner than others go shopping. I need the cosy Christmas ambiance much more than other years. It helps to overcome the burden that we all carry inside since the last Christmas. It was not easy. I had to force myself. To bake Christmas biscuits, gingerbread, decorate them … as if it would not make sense this year. Girls were also not so eager. I did not reproach it to them. It would not be sincere. However, I am glad that I did not give up and made an effort to prepare a Christmas celebration similar to the other years.
I was afraid of this year Christmas Eve. I was not sure to be able to make it a few weeks ago. When someone wished me merry Christmas, I did not know what to say. I would wish to stop the time and jump into the same train we were taking when nobody knew what will happen.
I thought more about what we would buy with Peter this year. How it would help this connection that girls have with their father only in memories? Either to influence their lives or bring a thing, a hobby … If I could bring them the Moon, I would do so.
When we moved abroad, we went back to the Czechia each Christmas. It was hard for me to skip a long stroll in Prague on Christmas Eve morning, visiting the family, my and Peter’s parents. I resolutely decided that we should go. Later, we were fasting and walking ten kilometres walk to deserve a Christmas dinner and presents. Asceticism is good, at least once a year.
However, we could not enjoy Christmas fully since we were packing, travelling, visiting family in different places. We had enough after ten years. When I announced that we could stay for Christmas in Switzerland after 11 years, everyone was happy. They confessed that they would like someone to visit them too. They would like to watch fairy tales, spend festivities in serenity, without travelling. To have calm and peaceful holidays. They were right.
Children were always sad where we spent a while somewhere, we packed and continued somewhere else. I was tired after 11 years and accepted our living abroad also with Christmas celebration. We started different traditions. We changed our stroll in Prague for a walk in vineyards and had a hot coffee or tea afterwards. For ten years, we do not go for Christmas to Czechia anymore. We spend the time of reflection in serenity, without travelling. We were pleased if someone paid us a visit during Christmas.
My parents came to see us a few times. We had a nice Christmas time. It was nice that we do not have to travel and someone comes to see us. Peter’s parents came to Switzerland once, in autumn. Last year, when we still did not know what has happen, an aunt from Liberec came since I asked them to be close to us. This year was a bit complicated, nobody came, but it may change in future. We will be here and our doors will be open.
Our advanced Christmas present this year was the little Aeryn. She brought a joy. She did not care at all, just smiled. She was fine and it is enough. I will write for her since I received a book “Granny tells stories”. I did not get used to “granny” yet. I will also write for she knows how it was with you.
I have shown them floating candles in nutshells, throwing slippers. Girls and Vincek prepared the whole menu. I made a salad the day before. They crumped a carp and meat, and made mushed potatoes. It is nice that everyone does something. I need a rest so much. It was a hard year.
We switched a dinner with lunch to have more time, since we have a baby this year. Even if it is true that we should wait for a first star before starting. To wait for a moment of a light on the sky that dispels the darkness and evil.
It was a nice Christmas celebration. We even took out a stative that we forgot during the birthday celebration. According to the tradition, I leave one extra place and chair each year. I did the same thing this year. The chair would allow to sit for a guest in the past. This year, it reminds us that you are not here anymore. In the past, people believed that this period is for returning home. We are all equal in being born and dying. Therefore, we are sitting around one table. The chair reminds us that people are coming to and leaving this world. It is still very painful but we are trying to come to terms with it, look ahead and enjoy.
This year celebration was very grateful. Girls made much effort to please everyone with presents. Klarka made a lovely tray for my coffee and dessert. It took her a few days. Terezka chose a beautiful lantern for my bedroom. Andulka invited me to a restaurant where I have never been. We will enjoy it in summer on a beautiful terrace. She made a box for each sister with your and their photos. Klarka made a candle with a surprise for Teresa. I cannot describe every present. Maybe, you see them all. They all made a lot of efforts for each other.
I am happy that we are together, that we can be together and that a new person came. She was so pretty. You would like the little Aeryn. I took her in my arms to the place where is your picture. My voice was trembling when I told her about you and Anicka hugged me since she knew how much I wish you were here. How much we all would have loved to have you here. I am so grateful for all memories. Merry Christmas to all. We are making efforts.
Cartigny, 25.12.2020